My Blog

I have been tossing around the idea of writing my last blog post and saying good-bye to Conspicuous Family. When I started my blog back in the fall of 2006, it was to inform friends and family about our adoption process. From there it turned into a place to watch Maya grow and our journey as a family. The blog eventually grew into a place where we could connect with other adoption families, meet other mommy's, and to continue to keep friends and family updated on our lives.

So what changed?

Life really. It seems it is harder and harder to keep the blog current and content worthy to be read. A friend told me just the other day that it is all about priorities and what you choose to fit into your day. She is right.

As I think about my beloved blog, I want nothing more to continue to update it and to continue to connect with other adoption families and mommy's. I know my family enjoys keeping up with the girls and seeing pictures of them. It is a great way to document M&M's lives as well as an outlet to express my feelings that I have as a mother of two Ethiopian girls. The entire point of my redesigned blog is to

At this point, I am going to keep my blog alive and will work on getting it back to a healthy state. If you like my blog and enjoy reading it, please drop me a line. I could use some encouragement right now.

Reflection of My Past

Have you seen the TV show Parenthood? It is on Tuesday nights at 9pm on NBC. If you have not watched it, I highly recommend it as it is a show that really captures the realness of families. Yes it is fictional but the family dynamics are very real.

I am actually a few weeks behind so I just watched the show from February 22. In this episode teenagers Amber and Drew's dad who is played by John Corbett comes back into their lives after being absent for many years. Amber is angry. She is angry that her dad feels he can come waltzing into her life and expect them to have a daughter and father relationship. Drew feels his dad has changed and is accepting him back. Drew very much needs a father and is desperately trying to hold on to his dad.

In this episode, the dad brings Drew back to the house and is visiting with Drew's mother played by Lauren Graham and Drew in the kitchen. Amber strolls in and the dad asks if Amber would like to join them on Friday (meaning Drew and him). Amber replies with a fairly harsh no but then the dad continues to ask her. Amber finally blows up at her dad. In her response to him, she tells him that she needed him all her life and that he was never there for her. She cries, she yells, and she is hurt. Amber then turns and walks away. The dad is quiet and says he must leave. After the dad leaves and it is just Drew and his mother in the kitchen, Drew blows up at his mother for allowing Amber to talk to his dad in that matter. Drew is crying, hurt, and sad. 

As I watch this story line unfold, I am overwhelmed with my own emotions and thinking about my own past.  My mother raised myself and my two siblings while my dad moved far away from us and became very distant.  There were many years where I never even spoke to him as he never called, sent a card, or wanted to be apart of my life.  It wasn't until I was a senior in college when he reached out and wanted to form a relationship.  I was maybe 23.  I like Amber was very hurt and didn't see the point of building any kind of relationship.  I needed a father when I was 5 or 7 or 13 but not at 23.  I did happen to form a relationship with him but not the daughter-father kind of one. 

By watching this episode and thinking about my own childhood, it reminds me how important it is to be present in my girls life and to have both parents in their lives.  I will be forever grateful for my mother who worked so hard to raise us and to provide for us on her own.  As I have said before, parenting is hardwork but when your daughter tells you she loves you and gives you a big bear hug, it is all worth it.  I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything in the world. 

Music Monday - Adele

One of my passions is music, Indie or Alternative music to be exact.  I love it.  As of late, I have rediscovered my love thanks to my new favorite station, 89.3 The Current.  It is an NPR station that has some of the best music and DJ's.  I love it so much that I became an NPR member during their last membership drive.  Seriously check them out (and yes, you can stream them as that is how I listen myself).

From listening to the Current, I discovered Adele.  She is a young British woman who can sing like no other.  I am absolutely in love with this song of hers.  You must listen and comment on what you think.  I hope you love her just as much as I do :)

Wordless Wednesday - 4 Year Pictures

Is it Me?

Bought this adorable knitted hat at this awesome Indie craft fair on Saturday.  Wore it today to work.  Not sure.  Is it me?

The Trouble with Bright Girls

As a father to two young girls, I am often scared thinking about raising them into strong, independent women. This is balanced by wanting to shelter them from the outside world, to pushing them to try new things, expanding their horizon to learn more everyday about the amazing world we live - both the beauty and the despair.

I came across this article this morning that talked about "The Trouble with Bright Girls," and highlighted one possible theory that showcased that young bright girls when presented with something unique to learn, were quick to give up. The higher the IQ, the quicker they were to give up. Bright boys on the other had, saw the difficult task as a challenge and found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts than to give up.

The theory is in how girls vs. boys interpret difficulty, finding that girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, lose confidence and become less effective learners. The reason? Bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while the boys believe that they can develop their abilities through hard work and practice.

These perceptions are created in how we as parents provide them feedback. When girls do well in school (and often as girls develop faster than boys they see this more often) we praise them for their abilities, "so smart," "such a good student." Boys who are more active are often provided feedback that emphasizes effort, "If you would just pay attention you could learn to do this."

The full article can be found here. I would love to hear from other parents that have raised girls - do you agree with this article? Is there a way that we can be positive and supportive, but stress the ability to achieve more through hard work and effort?

Mom's Tip #5 - Remember to Breathe

Life can get super busy if not completely insane. I know as I always seem to be running in many different directions and usually always have a to-do list a mile long. All of this can be very overwhelming and hard on your emotional well being.

A good friend of mine shared with me something she lives by thanks to a tip she heard from the one and only Chalean Johnson. My friend has 3 or 4 "categories" or "priorities" and everything she does must align with one of those priorities.  She also keeps this list in her phone so she always has it with her in case she needs to be reminded.  She tells me this really helps her stay focused and true to herself without feeling guilty, etc. 

Yesterday I took time to write down everything going on in our lives and tried to ensure I got the complete list.  My next step is to review with Dave and begin to categorize everything into headers such as family, church, personal well being, etc.  By doing this exercise, I am hoping to understand where our time is going, what is truly necessary, and what things we can let go.  It certainly isn't going to be easy or perfect but my ultimate goal is to get some sanity back into our lives.

I have also talked to some other mother's out there who seemed to be as overwhelmed and busy as I am.  Parenting is hard work and is a never ending job.  Yes, it is one of the best jobs out there but it is hard and demanding.  This past week I have been working really hard on taking a moment to remember to breathe.  I think it is important to take a deep breath, relax, and to reset.  This past Sunday afternoon was glorious as I made the decision to give myself a break.  While the kids napped, I sat down and watched TV and snoozed a little.  It was glorious and very needed.  So remember to breathe without the guilt!