What is adoption? Isn't it bringing a child into your home where you will love, care, and nourish for the rest of his/her life? Well yes but adoption is so much more.
When we first talked about adoption, I wouldn't envision being able to parent and love a child like he/she was "my own". I wouldn't imagine not being pregnant and not giving birth to a child. I wouldn't imagine loving a child so much that it hurts. I wouldn't imagine any of it.
After our second failed IVF treatment, I knew I was done with the shots and I was done holding on to this dream of being pregnant. The roller coaster of infertility treatments was over and I couldn't wait to get off the ride. I no longer wanted to fight with my body and I didn't want to cry anymore. I knew then that I was more than ready to be a mother and that it didn't matter if the child was born to me or not. That is when we got serious about adoption and growing our family.
I remember many discussions with Dave about whether we should adopt internationally or domestically. I remember talking about which country we would adopt from if we chose the international route. I remember looking at all sorts of beautiful children from all over the world. I remember not thinking about the child's history or about the child at all except that he/she needed a loving home. It was all about me and what felt comfortable for us. Sounds awful but that is the reality. We were naive.
Dave had brought up Ethiopia several times. Never did I dismiss it but I wasn't sold right away. I guess I was unsure if we would be able to care for an African American child and give this child the tools he/she needs to survive in this world. We were fortunate to know a couple who had recently adopted two handsome young boys from Ethiopia. This couple sat with us and answered all of our questions. They helped me realize that my child was in Ethiopia and I
could raise an African American child. Ethiopia it was and we immediately began the adoption process.
Along came Maya. Two years later, Makenna.
Three years later we are parents to two incredible little girls who were both born in Ethiopia. In three years we have fallen in love with another country, the people, and the culture. Three years later we are no longer naive but informed. We now know that every adoption has a story, every child has his/her story. I grieve almost daily for the loss both of my girls endured. They not only loss their birth parents but their country as well. It is hard for all of us. At the same time we know the opportunities that are now available to our girls including education, but what we want most for our girls is to know Ethiopia, the people, history and the culture. We want them to know their birth story - to know the sacrifices that were made in order for them to be part of our family. Many people tell us how lucky the girls are, but we (Dave and myself) are the lucky ones. We get to parent these two beautiful Ethiopian beauties.
Adoption is hard and we would do it all over again although this time with our eyes wide open.
We love you Maya. We love you Makenna. We love your birth families, we love your birth country, and we love you.
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