If you read my earlier post about mornings, you know that I dream of a morning without any debates, tears, and back talking. Today I got all of it and more. Maya is becoming impossible to get out of bed and out the door. She refuses to listen and cooperate. We must argue over every single detail such as what to wear, how to style her hair, brushing her teeth, and what shoes to wear.
I try so hard to give her the independence she needs. I try to let her make choices but sometimes her choices are not practical. She can't wear long dark leggings when it is 90 degrees out or short shorts when it is 64 degrees out. I must intervene and tell her "no". The clothes is a big issue in the morning. I try to ensure we pick out her outfit the night before that we both agree on. It worked to a point. Many days she refuses to wear what we picked out so what do we do? We go back and forth. Once the outfit is picked out, I must constantly tell her to get dressed. From there, we continue to battle in the bathroom and then downstairs getting shoes put on. I am frustrated.
To add to this fabulous morning, I decided to leave Maya's hair down or what I call "natural". Maya finally allowed me to comb her hair (this happens every other day if I am lucky) so I decided to just comb it, put some product in it, and let it be. My thoughts are "it looks fine and I will style it tonight before bed". Maya seemed to be okay with it and I was relieve we conquered the second battle of the morning.
Off we went to daycare. Upon walking through the front doors, we were greeted by a 4 year old girl. She asked Maya if she got a hair cut. Maya replied "no, this is just my hair. My mom did it". We continued to Maya's class room where we were greeted by another parent who happen to arrive at the same time as us outside in the parking lot. This mother informed me that her child said Maya's hair is messy today. She then went on to say "that's okay, sometimes my child's hair is messy too".
GRRRR!!!!! I clearly was not thinking straight when I justified why Maya's hair was "down" and not styled. I should have said "Maya's hair is not messy. It is down and natural and beautiful". Instead I justified it and blamed myself for sending her to school with messy hair. Shame on me. Shame on me for not saying the correct thing. Shame on me for not sticking up for Maya's natural hair which I think is beautiful by the way. Yes, it is crazy but it is her hair.
Today was just a bad morning. Tomorrow has to be better, right?
13 comments:
hey.. try not to beat yourself up about the hair comments. I am always struggling to say what is 'right' in the moment. But often I find the words come to me after the fact. I get so upset with myself. Next time you will know what to say right then. And I am sure there will be more opportunity to make up for it.
Your doing great! Tomorrow will for sure be better! :)
Charlie is just entering the toddler years, so I am sure that I have many battles to come. But don't beat yourself up about comments other parents/kids say, or your reaction to them! Today I dropped of Charlie at daycare with bananas in his hair...I just said he styled it himself. :)
Thanks for the heads up about the dumb comments people will make when we let our little girl's hair be "natural..." I love it that way by the way!
There is something about these Ethiopian girls and their opinions about fashion. That is the number one challenge that we seem to have in the morning. I am all about choices and not backing down from the choices I give, but the clothes seems to still be an ongoing battle. Just when I think we are all dressed for the day, I turn around and she will have changed into another outfit! Ugh!
Hope the rest of your day is better :)
hang in there. forget about the comment of her hair. its her hair and your are her mom- that said you can do whatever you want with it. it is beautiful. as for the clothes, perhaps give her two choices, and that is it for the day. if it doesnt work let her know the choice then becomes one. i am winging ithere- we dont have our baby home yet :) or as 'Supernanny' would do- ignore it and make less an issue out of it till the phase passes and dont take the backtalk- timeout it. again, winging it here :) lol.
she IS such a beautiful little girl !!
Thanks for the comments, we do allow her the chance to make her own choices, but that hasn't worked. We are now going to try the reward system by having her check-mark or sticker each task she does that morning (get dressed, brush teeth, hair done and shoes/coat on). Each day she will earn something that is really important to her.
I would love additional ideas so keep them coming.
Sorry about the rough morning, Theresa. Those are the times I tell myself (over and over and over and over, sometimes while rocking or crying) that it's good to have a strong-willed, independent child. :) They're wonderful characteristics, just awfully tough on mom. Keep up the good work!
Have you checked out Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood? It's been awhile since I read it or used it but it was fantastic when my girls were small. Sticking to it and following through every single time eliminated battles and power struggles. It was so restful.
It's too much to explain here, but it involves giving controlled choices, removing the power struggle and letting the child experience natural consequences of their actions. It may be worth checking out. Your library may have it.
I wouldn't sweat the hair comment. We've all regretted not being ready with the right defense of our child. You'll know exactly what to say next time.
I'm sorry you had such a tough morning...seems to make the whole day tough doesn't it?!? Don't beat yourself up about the hair thing, like someone said before next time you'll know what to say.
Girls are tough and when they start wanting to choose what to wear...it gets even harder.
Hope you have a great weekend and here's to better mornings!
Katie, Thank you! I have that book on hold at Barnes and Noble waiting to be picked up. Plan on checking the library first before buying though. This approach sounds like one we want to follow.
I am so sorry that your morning was rough. I totally know how it goes!
As for getting ready. Maybe try a picture schedule. Give her a paper where you velcro a picture of all the things she needs to do. She can bring them to you, take them off, or move them to a "done" side when they are finsished tasks.
I have also found that shoes can be trying in the morning. I normally don't allow shoes on in the house, but especially this time of year I will put shoes next to clothes, so it is one task -getting dressed, instead of two...getting dressed and putting shoes on.
The last thing... start your day with music. I seriously find that the days that I turn on my grooveshark playlist, are the best mornings. They wake up so much happier and are much better at listening.
So sorry about the hair comment. It is always easier to think of the "right" thing after the fact.
I second the Love and Logic book! I don't have children (yet), but I am a school counselor...and it is an awesome approach/theory! Best wishes for a better morning to come!!!!!
TH - So sorry to hear about your terrible morning. I think Maya's hair is beautiful the way it is - styled or not. It's too bad some parents don't have the tact to keep their mouth shut.....
If it's any consolation, my husband called last night while I was running errands to tell me that he had had a "terrible night" with the two older kiddos :) Don't worry about the hair comment - I constantly get asked if we've cut Charlotte's hair and as of yet scissors haven't touched it! Oh well - I think your daughter is beautiful!
Blessings.
J
www.gfinkfamily.blogspot.com
Post a Comment